Annie: No, I can't ask him! I want to prove to the dean that I'm someone he can trust! So I need to break into his office.
Shirley: I'm actually okay with that.
Britta: I can do that.
Dean: This is my secretary.
##: Assistant. Secretary is demeaning to women.
Jeff: So what do you do?
##: Officey things.
Britta: Gender saved...
Troy: Go Abed, Go! Before people sex one another!
Pierce: A man reaches a certain age when he stops looking for a place to hang his underwear and starts looking for a place to hang his hat.
Jeff: ...I'm sorry, I was waiting for that to become inappropriate or racist.
Shirley: I'm so sick of the dean shoving his PC-ness down my throat.
Jeff: Pierce, I'm proud of you for letting that one go.
Pierce: PC-ness. That sounds like penis.
Troy: I just got that, too!
Britta: The reason men fight is because they're releasing their pent-up gayness.
Jeff: I'm too charming and likable. Go ahead, call me a name.
Troy: ...I can't.
Pierce: What are you? A North Korean Seamstress?
Jeff: Not if that's bad.
Jeff: Shirley, don't be mad.
Shirley: I'm not mad. I'm disappointed.
Jeff: That's mom for mad!