Troy: Shut-up! How 'bout I pound you like a boy? ...that came out wrong.
Shirley: Arabs aren't as understanding as Christians, you could get your head chopped off with a salami sword.
Annie: That's the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Shirley: Is it?
Jeff: Pierce will top it in a minute.
Troy: Get off my back, you're not my mother!
Pierce: She's not?
Jeff: Twenty-nine seconds.
Jeff: All money is spending money.
Britta: Why are you dressed like an 80s rapist?
Abed: You play the role of my father.
Jeff: I don't want to be your father.
Abed: Perfect, you already know the lines.