Melanie: She's half my age.
Victoria: Honey, that's not that young.
Melanie: My FAKE age.
Victoria: Oh my god, she's a child!
Joy: I say we kill him and make his underage whore watch.
Melanie: My ex-husband is flying to Paris with his new fiancee and I'm in a dive bar.
Victoria: I googled Cleveland and get hammered and this is what came up.
Melanie: Victoria's been married like twenty times.
Victoria: Which in LA is like 5 and for an actress it's barely 1.
Joy: Melanie, friends don't let friends move to Cleveland.
Joy: This is why the internet was invented. For men to find pictures of naked celebrities and for women to cyberstalk men they trust.
Joy: Let's kill him.
Melanie: That's your solution to everything.
Joy: Can't we just try it once?
Joy: Remember, forty is the new twenty-five.
Victoria: I thought forty was the new thirty.
Joy: Well if I'm just making things up I'd rather be twenty-five.
Victoria: I have an audition for the next Transformers movie.
Joy: What part?
Victoria: Megan Fox's... grandmother...
Joy: Let's kill your agent and make Megan Fox watch.
Elka: You're not going to become one of those women who likes themselves, are you? Nobody likes those women.